Name's the Game

It is sometimes uncanny how one can extract private and personal information about others without having any such motive preconceived. On August 12th, while Brigadier-General (NS) Lee Hsien Loong reaffirmed his true faith to the Republic of Singapore and "in a speech intended for domestic consumption...reassured his audience that Singapore would continue to succeed" (The New York Times), I was still very much unaware of how events that would later overtake me would shed some light on the ways and words of the typical woman's man. It had all started when a classmate of mine urged me to dial a number - the number, he claimed, of a malicious prankster who had jammed his line consistently without actually connecting the call. Being ever so agreeable, I acceded to his request but, despite my dedicated efforts, the immediate fruits of my labour were not apparent as I was treated to a monotonous drone before an insincere, pre-recorded voice exhorted me to leave a message if I so desired. I had no such wish and, with a heavy heart, I regretfully informed my friend of the futility of the attempt. Minutes later, my mobile phone bleeped as it received a message. Below is the full, unadulterated transcript of our most intriguing interview.

Unidentified Singaporean Male: Yup?

Yours truly: Nvm

Unidentified Singaporean Male: Really whatch want?

Yours truly: Its ok

Unidentified Singaporean Male: Ok wait i'm getting mixed up. You are...

Yours truly: N u r?

Unidentified Singaporean Male: Oh are you one of her friends? Look lady i'm only trying to help someone out here....(Editor's Comment: I could have very well said the same.)

Yours truly: Wdvr

Unidentified Singaporean Male: No no seriously. You're one of teo kai ting's [unknown quantity] friends aren't you?

Yours truly: Wud makes u think so

Unidentified Singaporean Male: I can tell, or did you just call the wrong number. Are you from rjc? If yes then yes i can tell. If no then well, have a nice day.

Yours truly: Dun get peeved n as 2 ur qn i haf 2 reply in the affirmative

Unidentified Singaporean Male: Ok so you didn't call the wrong number and if you were someone i knew you'd have identified yourself. Elementary, nameless one. Its quite apparent you're one of her friends. So why'd you call?

Yours truly: Flawless reasoning but forget tt i called k

Unidentified Singaporean Male: Well does she find it irritating? If she does then i'll come clean cos the last thing i want is to offend anyone.

By this juncture in time, as the newly-anointed Minister-Mentor shook hands with the Prime Minister, I could hardly suppress the same farcical grin that I know must have been lurking out of the corner of Mr Lee's (you get to choose which) mouth.